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Archive for March, 2011

My body aches, my bones are old,

I can’t do things alone,

I need someone to help me now;

When will you bring me home?

 

My loved ones have all gone now,

so here i wait for you,

and strangers visit day and night,

to do things i can’t do.

 

I try to hold my head up

and walk without support

but someone has to help me;

and then i have this thought.

 

You also felt this tired

when you carried the cross

you wanted to go home too

and felt this sense of loss.

 

When Simon helped you carry

that cross to where you died

how did you feel to need such help?

Did you feel sad inside?

 

Lord Jesus you know how i feel

to have this sense of shame

when will you bring me home, my Lord

so i can dance again?

 

My eyes are very poorly,

my ears they strain to hear

when you was fighting for your breath

was there a hint of fear?

 

So though i feel so weary

and want to rest with you

i know you know just how i feel

for you walked this road too.

 

When will you bring me home Lord?

When will you set me free

for i can’t take much more of this

your face i long to see.

 

by MandeeJ

(For a dear friend of mine.)

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Don’t Hide, Be True!

I play the hiding game again

and mask the way i feel

for being true is hard to do

when the pain is oh so real!

 

I try to hide the loneliness,

this longing deep inside,

you tell me you will comfort me,

in you i must confide.

 

I share my inmost fears with you,

my yearning desires too,

you listen so attentively

and tell me what to do.

 

As you reveal the truth to me

of how i hide from others

you also bring me healing

saying i should tell my brothers.

 

For fellowship is helpful

in seeing self more clearly

when feedback is received from those

who know and love you dearly.

 

And healing comes more quickly

when first we do confess

as we free up from guilt and shame

and all that brings us stress.

 

And as i start to open up

and share my heart with them,

i feel your loving presence

wrapping me in love again.

 

I will depend on you alone

to comfort and guide me,

by being true and trusting you

the truth will set me free.

 

by MandeeJ

 

Relevant verses:  The Holy Bible (NIV)

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)

“Therefore confess your sins to each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16)

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21.3.11

Have you ever felt the loneliness? That feeling that no-body cares and even when they ask you how you are, it’s as though they’re not listening to the answer you give. To have people around busying themselves and not one of them taking the time to stop and really listen or care.

Or maybe they do care and they are doing things for you but what you really want is for them to know what it is like to be you, to feel the way you do. And to be held, touched, loved, just the warmth of another’s skin against your own. Feeling alive and loved and wanted. To know that someone loves you that much that they want to spend time with you and show you they care.

For someone to give that time to another, paying close attention to the words, the emotions or feelings and the body language. Or  just being in the presence of that person, sitting in silence, even holding them to comfort them, for them and not for you. Such sacrifices are worth there weight in gold.

I have felt such love.

As a child my mum would listen to me and hear my pain as i shared the stories of being bullied at school. Not only did she see my hurts but she shared them and felt the pain too. We don’t talk like we used to.

When i was beaten and bruised from physical violence my sister was there to comfort me by just being there with me. As a child her many words were of little comfort but having her with me was. She has a family of her own now.

A close friend of mine would listen to me and talk with me with interest and some understanding. Spending time with her, having her listen to me and sharing our stories, encouraged me and gave me hope. Yet i was always searching for something to fill the emptiness within.

Just by holding me in his arms i felt safe and protected by my ex. Yet i barely knew him, we were like strangers.

Since becoming a Christian i have made friends who have listened, shared, shown tenderness, compassion and where they have lacked understanding there has been a sense of mercy. I have been held, touched, given words of encouragement, been shown kindness, yet i’m still left feeling the loneliness …

When you came into my life Lord, you filled the emptiness; you listened to my cries, pains and fears; you are always there for me; your love is unconditional and you know me better than i know myself. You stay with me, never leaving my side; you give me an everlasting hope; you have filled me with love like no other; so why do i still feel the loneliness?

Prayer:

Lord, you are always with me and you promised ‘never will you leave me, nor forsake me’, so if i’m feeling lonely, it is because i am not always with you. I need not be lonely with you Lord for you are always with me. I want to always be with you Lord, please help me to do this, to stay focused on you, living in your will and following you obediently. Thank you for knowing me and loving me. I pray that i will feel comforted in the knowledge of the truth that you are with me. Help me to comfort others in their times of loneliness and to show them the love that you show me. In Jesus name. Amen.

“So do not fear, for I am with you;” (Isa.41:10)

 Relevant verses:  2 Cor.1:3-4; Heb. 13:5.

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How do you respond?

How do you respond to others? How do you respond to those who are teaching you? How do you respond to correction?

It is so important to be aware of how we respond to others because when it comes to criticism we naturally feel hurt. But we need to put our feelings aside and hear what is being said. I know it is difficult because our pride is hurt and we may feel angry, embarrassed, ashamed, disappointed and self-concious, but if we respond to how we are feeling about what has been said then we are missing the point and the learning that comes from the feedback or insight given.

In some cases what is said might be wrong but we are less likely to see if it is otherwise, unless we put aside our feelings and reflect on what has been said.

Why am i telling you all this? Because i have had rebukes and corrections and more often than not i have felt hurt and may have even responded in a negative way. But on reflection there can be a hidden message, some truth that we need to learn about our words or actions that need to be worked on.

So i just want to say this – when a church leader, teacher, parent or friend says something to you that upsets you or causes some feelings of hurt or anger to rise in you, pay attention to what was said and not your feelings! Reflect on the person’s words to see if there is any truth or something of learning in what they have said and respond with thanks, for they may have just taught you a valuable lesson that can advance your growth in character.

Praise God for our leaders, teachers, parents, mentors and peers who care about us enough to point out our failings in a loving way.

Prayer:

Lord, i pray that you will help us to love and encourage one another and to correct and rebuke in a loving way that helps others to grow. We are sorry Lord for the times we have responded in the wrong way or with a negative attitude. Please help us to respond in love and with thanks for the learning that we receive from such corrections. May we listen and hear and reflect on what has been said and seek the truth. Thank you Lord for your loving guidance. I pray for your blessings on those you use to lead and guide us. In Jesus name. Amen.

Relevant Scripture:  2 Tim: 3:16-17

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

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Fill this heart again!

You looked into my heart

and poured your love within,

no-one has ever gone that deep

or seen what lies within.

 

Convictions they were numerous,

I welcomed them and learned

that your thoughts are much higher

and your love cannot be earned.

 

Compassion you have shown me,

a tenderness so sweet,

a gentle, understanding God

who bends to wash my feet.

 

You listen with attentiveness,

you know my every need

accepting me for who i am

despite my selfish greed.

 

I’ve watched you work and i have seen

how preciously you love 

a wise yet humble servant,

Creator from above.

 

But lately i can’t see you,

a veil covers my eyes,

your words a gentle whisper

now mingled in with lies.

 

And where’s the burning passion

that i once had for you,

the fiery love, i felt inside,

when you made me brand new?

 

A clouded, distant memory

of love that felt so strong,

I’m scared you’re fading from my heart,

please tell me what went wrong?

 

If you fade from this very life

then death is all i see

for i am nothing without you

Oh Lord, please hear my plea!

 

Has my heart become hardened,

are you so hard to find,

are you still here within my heart

and speaking to my mind?

 

Please turn my heart and draw me near,

open this mind again,

bring revelation, faith, hope, love

and healing from this pain.

 

You are the meaning in my life

there’s nothing i need more,

Jesus come fill this heart again,

you’re all i’m living for!

 

by MandeeJ

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Satisfy me!

I’m hungry, so hungry,

i’m empty inside,

depression has set in,

i just want to hide. 

This void deep within me

is filled once again,

i’m numb, without feeling

yet bursting with pain.

 

I’m eating, i’m drinking

i’m smoking, i’m fed,

just trying to stuff down

this noise in my head.

 What else can i turn to

to satisfy me,

some shopping, more drinking

or cake and some tea?

 

I’m lonely, i’m empty

 who can i go see?

There must be someone

who can satisfy me.

 More wine, more sex,

more food, friends and fun,

oh my head is hurting

best have another one.

 

Where will it all end up?

What can i try now?

I’ll find something else,

make me feel good somehow.

 A new car, a big house,

more money, more pleasure,

oh i can live life to the full,

at my leisure.

 

But what does it all mean?

Where does it all go?

How long will it last?

I really don’t know.

 It’s all meaningless, see

nothing will satisfy

these quick fixes, all gone

in the blink of an eye.

 

The only everlasting

joy that i do find

is in Jesus Christ,

eternal love, so kind.

 There is nothing on earth

that fills the emptiness

only God who loves me

despite my selfishness.

 

While i’m trying to fill

the void that’s within me

he says “come here my child

and i’ll set you free.”

 He says “you are unable

to fill that void within,

see i made you to seek me

who forgives all your sin.”

 

“I can take all the pain,

all the hurt, all your tears

and give you a new life,

strip away all your fears.

“For i’m your only hope,

only i can fill you,

turn to Jesus the Saviour

and see what i’ve done for you.”

 

by MandeeJ

Relevant verses: Psalm 107:7-9

“for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.” (Psa. 107:9)

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and so i fall again …

It was all going well,

I was flying on high,

over mountain-tops,

soaring the wonderous sky.

 

But when flying that high

we can forget the fall,

the great danger that faces

the proud who stand tall.

 

We think we can see clearly

as we’re above all

when we’re flying that high,

when we’re standing that tall.

 

So i flew on the currents

of warm, secure air,

I was sure you were with me,

i felt brave, without fear.

 

Then the temptation hit me

as emotions did grow

I felt good, i was confident

why not give it a go?

 

So i reasoned, i argued

I won my case fair,

i can soar so much higher

if i just go up there.

 

So the lie was conceived

and the truth put aside

and i soared, and i swooped

and i enjoyed the ride.

 

Then i fell into a dive

and my heart did break so

when i realised that that

was not the way to go.

 

Oh how foolish i’d been

to think i would know best

all that reasoning i’d done

for my own selfishness.

 

If i’d just waited for you

to lift me on high

i would not be falling

from your wonderous sky.

 

Then as suddenly as i fell

with my heart full of pain

you do catch me and lift me

to soar with you again.

 

So i’ll patiently wait

for you to lift me

as you show me the truth

as you help me to fly free.

 

MandeeJ

Relevant verses: James 1:14-15 &

(Deut. 32:11-12) “like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The Lord alone led him;”

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