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Archive for June, 2010

One of the most difficult and on-going struggles i have had to endure since becoming a Christian in 2008 was my question of whether or not loving someone could be wrong. This may sound like a simple question to answer but if you have ever encountered a time when your feelings for someone has far exceeded the normal everyday love that you have for those close to your heart – let’s say for example a true unconditional love that could only be the love of Christ – then you will know what i mean. I shall explain a bit further.

I have experienced a love so deep, so pure, so transparent that it changed my life and everyday of my life since then. However although i know from where the love comes from, i had many doubts following the experience as to my own feelings about the person i felt the love through. Needless to say i began to feel the need to spend more time with this person, i longed to get closer to them in the hope that i would draw closer to Jesus and feel this love again. The problem was that this person was married and i was single and i had been brought up to believe that such a friendship could not be possible and actually that any thoughts or feelings of love that concerned the married person were wrong. So i struggled for some time and my feelings and emotions were all over the place. I began to question God – why would he reveal his love to me through this person and then not let me get to know them? Why would he use the same person, time and time again to speak to me and show his ways of working, loving and compassion for others and yet keep such a distance between us?

Well since these early experiences i have recently had the privilege of encountering another similar experience and i have finally got a long-awaited answer to my primary question. Again this person was married and it wasn’t like i chose the person to talk to either as he approached me, in a sense (it being a chat site). I cannot recall how the conversation began only that we became friends through our first chat. He was so attentive towards me and listened to me with such precision. His answers in our conversation were thought provoking and insightful. He used biblical scripture to aid me in my searching for answers and i learnt a lot about myself from our chat. All the time that we were talking i felt warm throughout my very being and filled to overflowing with love and i knew that God was using this man to speak with me and help me in more ways than one.

  • I realised my need to stand on the truth and not to rely on my feelings so that when i feel abandoned by God, i can remind myself of the truth that he will never leave me nor forsake me, for he loves me with an everlasting love.
  • That i desire to have someone in my life that will openly talk with me and grow with me – a companion, friend, lover and partner.
  • It revealed my insecurities within myself and how they can be destructive to relationships.
  • Eventually through our conversing i was shown, through insight from God, where all the questions and insecurities stem from; why i feel guilty; and scripture to guide me so that i could base future friendships with others on biblical morals and not feel bad about them because i would know the boundaries.

 And all this i learnt in just two conversations with this one man on a chat site. So after having my feelings of love soar and the creeping feelings of doubt and guilt sink in, God gave me a clear word that enabled me to move forward into loving others without feeling it was wrong to love them. This was the scripture:

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matt. 7:12)

I haven’t spoken to the man since. Although i miss our chats terribly, i know that if i was his wife, i wouldn’t like him chatting so intimately with another woman that she had such strong feelings of love stirred within her. The guilt has gone and in its place is a new understanding of how i can relate to others without worrying about if i am hurting anyone in the process.

How great is our God that he should reveal such things to us, giving us freedom from guilt, understanding of self and others and hope for the future. He has made my lot secure and i will put my trust in him. I pray dear Lord that you will guide me into all truth and lead me in the way everlasting. Amen.

“This is the covenant that i will make with the house of Israel after that time,” declares the Lord.

 “I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbour, or a man his brother, saying “Know the Lord,” because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest,” declares the Lord.

 “For i will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”

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